


i want your midnights

by annesbonny



Series: Zukka RWARB AU [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Bending (Avatar), Alternate Universe - Royalty, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay disaster Zuko, Kissing, M/M, Pining, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, he'S A REAL DISASTER IN THIS ONE I HAD A LOT OF FUN WRITING HIS POV, rwarb au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:14:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27095632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annesbonny/pseuds/annesbonny
Summary: Sokka just shakes his head. “I just don’t get it.”“You don’t?”“Nope!”Sokka pops the ‘p’ and Zuko lets out a growl of frustration. Sokka’s doing that dopey grin. The one Zuko has seen on face-calls, and selfies, and in the moonlight it’s fucking beautiful. Sokka’s beautiful, and here, and not getting it. Not getting the fact that Zuko can’t care less about finding the “right person” to date right now, when Sokka’s literally right there.[AKA Zuko's POV of the kiss in chapter 4 of i hope that i don't fall in love (with you), my Zukka RWARB AU]
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Zukka RWARB AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2184639
Comments: 32
Kudos: 217





	i want your midnights

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [i hope that i don't fall in love (with you)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26638159) by [annesbonny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/annesbonny/pseuds/annesbonny). 



> Disclaimer: technically there is no M content in this oneshot (sorry!) but, the fic that it’s a scene from does have M content, so I felt like I couldn’t in good conscience list this one as a T fic, even though that’s what it is.
> 
> Also if you haven't read that AU, please go read it [first!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26638159/chapters/64958893) This will make a lot more sense that way!  
> Enjoy!

It’s too much.

Zuko’s no coward, and years of experience have taught him that running from his problems rarely solves them. It’s been months, and he hasn’t run away from Sokka yet, despite the difficult balance they’ve been maintaining lately. Phone calls and selfies and Sokka’s infectious belly laugh from continents away. Zuko doesn’t  _ want  _ to run away from him. 

But seeing him kiss Yue like that is too much. 

When Sokka turns back to him with a wide, crooked grin, and there’s a sparkle of Yue’s lipgloss trailing from his lips, it’s  _ too much.  _

He tries to keep his expression neutral, but then he remembers Sokka hates that blank, neutral expression. And more importantly, he’ll probably be able to see right through it. Instead Zuko’s face freezes between expressions. Completely blank and not appeasing anyone. 

This is too much for him. 

He remembers the sparkling wine in his hand, and raises it back to his lips. Tries not to let the memory of Sokka watching him drink from the bottle earlier - just ten fucking minutes ago - sting. But he can’t do it. He can’t keep looking at Sokka and wishing that all the fucking hints Sokka’s been dropping were not actually hints. They’re just Sokka’s personality. 

Either Sokka is completely blind or he’s a bit of an asshole, just like he’d always come off before they got to know each other properly. 

Zuko doesn’t know which one he hopes for more. 

He turns away from Sokka, and it’s  _ easy  _ to vanish in the crowd. It’s easy to tell himself not to look over his shoulder, because he can’t bear to know if Sokka is looking confused and disappointed, longingly after him, or if he’s thrown himself back into the fray of celebrations.

Zuko bumps into Toph by the edge of the hall, her sense for his distress as keen as ever. Toph has never really done sympathetic. That’s why she punches him on the arm as she approaches him. She’ll be able to feel his heartbeat this close, even with the thudding of the dancefloor behind him. He’s sure his telltale heart is as on its sleeve for her as it is for everyone else who has seen him looking at Sokka. Who saw his face fall when he watched that kiss. 

“So, did you finally tell him you want to have his cute, power-couple, world-leading babies?”

“I- I’m gonna go outside,” he brushes her off shortly. 

“Zuko…”

“It’s fine, Toph,” he says. “I’m fine.”

He’s not. 

“Don’t tell Sokka you’ve seen me.”

“I haven’t seen you,” she drawls, and it almost is enough to make him smile. 

“You know what I mean, Toph,” he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck, “I’ll be back soon.” 

Ducking around her, he makes it uninterrupted out the double doors at the end of the hall. He doesn’t have to go far. He sees another door, leading to a balcony, and it’s like being back in Caldera months ago. A rare moment of all-walls-down vulnerability that Sokka got to witness. Cigarettes and 2AM coffee. 

He slips out onto the balcony now, and wishes Aang hadn’t seen fit to hide his cigarettes as he leans heavily against the rail. Breathing in deeply, his lungs fill up with cold air and he lets the shock to his system calm him, before he starts warming it up. It’s meditative, to be somewhere this cold, because he’s focusing on his breath and keeping himself warm. 

_ Sokka kissed Yue.  _

They’re always in the papers. Every couple of months, rumors of their romance spring forth anew, and it shouldn’t be a shock to see Sokka swing his arm around Yue’s neck and pull her in for a kiss. Sokka’s not into guys. Beyond wry little comments here and there, he has no reason to think that Sokka’s interested in men at all. Interested in  _ him  _ at all. 

Except for the way that he  _ acts.  _ Not all the time, but sometimes. When the jokes he sends are so personal, centred around offhand comments Zuko made once upon a time. Proof that Sokka listened. Or when he’s calling him. To yell about ghosts, or unload about his family drama because apparently he  _ trusts  _ Zuko with that, even though Zuko can barely count the people he would trust with his own problems on one hand. 

It wasn’t foolish to think Sokka was interested, Zuko tries to tell himself. It wasn’t just wishful thinking. There was something there, he knows it. He felt it, when Sokka grabbed his hips on the dancefloor and, Agni, wasn’t that fucking difficult for Zuko?

He takes another deep, meditative breath. 

He’s not sure how long he’s been standing there, breathing, staring at the bright Northern Sky, when he hears a clatter behind him. Sokka pushing up off his knees, tripped over just inside the doors by the look of it, is what Zuko sees. He takes a sharp intake of breath as Sokka saunters over to him, and keeps a white-knuckle grip on the railing.

But then Sokka’s so  _ close;  _ perhaps that’s the only way he knows how to be. When their fingers brush, Zuko jolts, because it’s like one of Azula’s tricks. A zap of static electricity that he doesn’t have the power to create. 

Zuko’s heart is thudding away in his chest. He settles his hand back on the railing again. Inches from Sokka’s but not touching. He can’t touch him right now. It’s a miracle his voice comes out almost normally, when he throws a sideways glance at Sokka.

“What are you doing out here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Sokka responds, and it’s a fair question but it’s also absolutely  _ not.  _ It’s not a fair question because how can he explain to Sokka of all people that he’s out here because sometimes he gets sick of pretending there’s not an ache in his chest every time he sees Sokka’s warm smile.

He doesn’t really mean to let the sparks come out on his breath, when all he can do is sigh in response to Sokka’s question. If Sokka notices, he doesn’t call Zuko on it, but he’s still  _ staring.  _ Eyeing him up and down just like he had when they first saw each other earlier in the evening. What’s he  _ supposed  _ to do with Sokka staring at him like that?

“I was looking at the stars,” it’s not a lie, but it’s not true either. He just can’t really explain why he’s here.

Sokka throws a glance at the sky before snorting. “Well that’s  _ riveting.”  _

“Shut up.” The words are muttered in a much harsher tone than he means them. Tinged with the bitter longing of wanting to explain it all and lay it bare before Sokka but he Absolutely Cannot Do That so he just winces.

“Sorry, I didn’t-” Sheepishly, he offers an apology, still scowling. “It just gets a bit  _ much.  _ Sometimes.”

Whatever Sokka takes by the meaning of  _ too much  _ is up to him. Too much of the people. Too much of the music. Too much of the wine still clutched in the hand that isn’t hanging onto the railing like a lifeline. 

Too much of  _ Sokka.  _

If he takes the last meaning, it doesn’t deter him, because Sokka is leaning in closer again, nudging his shoulder against Zuko’s, and it takes everything in him not to tense. But Sokka is  _ warm  _ despite the chill in the air, and not being a Bender of any kind. The corner of Zuko’s mouth twitches, his scowl flickering to something softer as Sokka keeps their shoulders pressed together. Perhaps he’s not had too much of Sokka. Perhaps he’s not had  _ enough.  _

“D’you ever wonder,” Zuko starts cautiously, “what it’s like to be some anonymous person out in the world?” 

Sokka frowns. “What do you mean?” “

"If your dad weren’t the Chief and you were just a normal guy living a normal life, what things might be like?" Zuko says, "What you’d be doing instead?” 

“Ah,” Sokka’s expression flickers for only a second before he blurts out his answer. “I’d be an inventor!” 

He is so sure of himself, in a way that Zuko has never been able to be. It’s hot. Maybe Zuko, as well as being desperately head over heels for someone who will probably never want him back, has also got a thing for confidence. Maybe he’s wishing for that confidence when Sokka returns his question, and that’s what pulls the answer out of him

“An actor, like my mother maybe,” he sighs, bringing the sparkling wine back to his lips with a wry smile. He did theatre in school, when they let him. And his mother always took him to shows in the royal box on Ember Island. Even the Caldera Playhouse, when they could. But the thing with acting is that it’s someone else’s words. 

Zuko is so often brimming with his own, but no way to get them out. HIs tongue ties in knots and he doesn’t know how to say what he wants to say. But on paper, the words flow. They wrap themselves around his arm and direct the flow of the pen across a page, or fingers across a keyboard. It’s this knowledge that prompts his second answer.

“Or a writer. A poet.”

This answer seems to amuse Sokka more than the first one. “Prince of the Fire Nation can’t just become a poet?” 

“It’s not proper,” Zuko says, as if that’s the least proper thing about him. As if “impropriety” isn’t curling in his gut at the moment, when he looks across at Sokka. Outlined by the moonlight in a thin silver glow. Zuko swallows thickly, and ducks his head down again. Back to looking over the canal because that’s easier. “I’m second in line for the throne, I can’t just- I’m supposed to serve in the Fire Navy. I can’t exactly sit around writing verses about my quarter life angst, it would be dishonorable.”

Lu Ten and his Uncle would never  _ make  _ him enlist in the Fire Navy. It’s just the done thing. He probably would have done it at eighteen if his life hadn’t been derailed two years before it. His uncle insisted on getting the balance of a life back in the public eye right first, before running off to join the Navy and do something foolish. 

Sometimes, Zuko wonders if he wouldn’t have minded being in the Navy. The closest to a “normal” life that anyone in his family ever got. Years out of the scrutiny and monotony of day to day life in the Caldera palace. No one watching his every move like an eagle-hawk, and judging him for it. 

What he wouldn’t give not to have anyone judge him.

“I’d probably date more, too,” he says, quietly. Longingly. It seems to slip out of him, like he didn’t really mean to say it. But Sokka catches it all the same.

“You expect me to believe  _ you’re  _ struggling to get a date?” Sokka sounds and looks incredulous. As if this idea is so shocking to him, when he himself is one of the very factors stopping Zuko finding a decent date. 

“It’s difficult!” he insists, “Finding the  _ proper  _ person to date.”

“Ah, so this is to do with the Fire Nation stick up your ass?” Sokka says, and Zuko fumes for a second.

“No! It’s-” he cuts himself off. Takes a steadying breath as his free hand curls into a fist. It’d be easy to let him know. To clue him in on the fact that Zuko is very much  _ not  _ interested in women looking for prince charming. Meanwhile he very much  _ is  _ interested in hot Southern Water Tribe political players who happen to be the most infuriating people on the planet. Not people. One person specifically. “I just don’t have a lot of options over people I want to date. Who’d be willing to date me.”

“Oh come  _ on,”  _ Sokka scoffs, still not quite getting it. “I mean, even if you’re a jerk like, 80% of the time, someone’s gotta be willing to date you, right? I mean who would turn down the Fire Nation’s very own Prince Charming?”

“I-,” Zuko falters, wondering if perhaps he should be clearer. Perhaps he can just hint a little more? Because he really can’t spell it out for Sokka. And it’s not like it isn’t obvious. “I’m not able to pursue the people I’d be  _ interested  _ in. Not freely.”

Still, Sokka just shakes his head. “I just don’t get it.” 

“You don’t?”

“Nope!”

Sokka pops the ‘p’ and Zuko lets out a growl of frustration. Sokka’s doing that dopey grin. The one Zuko has seen on face-calls, and selfies, and in the moonlight it’s fucking  _ beautiful.  _ Sokka’s beautiful, and here, and not  _ getting it.  _ Not getting the fact that Zuko can’t care less about finding the “right person” to date right now, when Sokka’s literally right there. And Zuko’s  _ drunk.  _ The sparkling wine whirring through his veins and his brain, and when he looks back on this later, maybe he’ll think that’s why he did it.

But really, he knows he did it because he wanted to. And because with Sokka smiling at him like that, it’s easy to think maybe Sokka wants him to do it too.

“Agni, give me strength, I thought you were supposed to be  _ smart _ .” 

The wine bottle slips from his hand as he raises both of them to Sokka’s cheeks, and presses their lips firmly together. He’s not thinking about it. He can’t think about it. He’s just doing it. It’s stupid, doing things like this without thinking about it, and spirits if he hasn’t learnt  _ that  _ from experience. Sokka only freezes under the desperate kiss for half a second. 

Then his hands are moving from being trapped motionless between them. A voice inside Zuko’s head, the irresponsible one that made him surge forward to kiss Sokka in the first place, practically whoops when there’s a hand at his waist and another at his lapel. Pulling him in closer and  _ oh  _ that’s a good thing. Sokka is pulling him closer. Sokka wants him closer. Sokka didn’t push him away. 

What does he  _ do  _ with that? 

Zuko finds himself tugging Sokka’s bottom lip gently between his teeth before he can stop himself. It’s delightful and beautiful and it’s what makes Zuko shift back to reality when he hears Sokka’s soft, delighted moan and tastes lipgloss on his tongue at the same time. 

_ Lipgloss.  _ Yue’s lipgloss.

And all at once, Zuko’s insecurities drag him back beneath the waves of  _ this is a bad idea he doesn’t like you back.  _ It takes everything in him, all of those insecurities, to wrench himself out of Sokka’s gripping hands. He staggers backwards, and looks up and Sokka’s standing there. Eyes still half closed and looking so thoroughly kissed and  _ Zuko  _ did that and-

“Oh  _ fuck.”  _

He straightens up, not willing to give Sokka the chance to reject him. Because he  _ will  _ reject him. Sokka isn’t interested in him, and Zuko kissed him because he’s an  _ idiot  _ and what kind of  _ idiot  _ does that? He’s ruined the friendship they were building and he doesn’t  _ want  _ Sokka to be a stranger again. Not now he knows the way Sokka’s laugh sounds, and the way he smiles with his whole face. 

Zuko has to get out of there now before Sokka can find him and demand answers because Zuko doesn’t have them.

Well, he does, but not  _ really.  _

How can he explain that every time he sees Sokka, it feels like his heart has swelled? That he kissed him because his suspicions of Sokka wanting him too were dashed by jealousy, even though that’s  _ not a good reason to kiss someone.  _ That he was drunk, and an idiot, and sick of waiting for an opportunity to present itself so he had to make the first move. He kissed Sokka. 

He  _ kissed  _ Sokka.

He finds Aang first, not looking behind him to see if Sokka has come back inside and caught up with him. Caught on to the fact that he’s about to cut and run. Aang is, by no small miracle, not with Katara and Zuko thinks he might not have been born lucky like Azula, but the spirits are smiling on him just this once.

"We have to leave," he hisses in Aang's ear. "Where's Toph?"

“I don’t- Zuko, we can’t just run off! It’s rude!”

“I kissed Sokka.”

“Oh, shit.”

**Author's Note:**

> SO THIS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE, HUH. I literally sat down to write chapter 5, thought about Zuko's POV of the kiss and then this just happened in a couple of hours. 
> 
> Also the title is from New Year's Day by Taylor Swift because i'm a basic bitch


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